Want to Talk Across the Political Divide? Dialogue is a Good Place to Start

by Laura Black, "Talking Across The Political Spectrum" Action Group

Talking to people on the opposite side of the political spectrum can be stressful, frustrating, or even scary. We are inundated with news, social media posts, and other messages that show how divided we are, and sometimes it can seem like our neighbors, or family members, are living in some completely different reality. When we talk to like-minded peers, it’s easy to fall into an “us vs. them” framework. This can give us a sense of solidarity and motivate our political activism, which is really important. But, it doesn’t help us talk across the political divide or even have meaningful conversations about the diverse perspectives in our own group. In other words, avoiding confrontation to ‘keep the peace’ is not always a great solution. Remaining siloed exacerbates social divisions, fosters isolation, and makes it harder to address complex problems that we face in our community, nation, and world. 

So, if you want to have meaningful conversations with people across the political divide, what should you do? 

Get Clear on Your Goal. Start with some personal reflection. First, what do you want to talk about? Why? Think about topics and issues you care about and would want to talk about with people who have different political views. Sometimes topics that are especially close to our identities are hard places to start, especially when policies targeting our identities have tangible consequences on our lives. If that seems too risky, are there topics you feel comfortable talking about with people who don’t share your experiences and perspectives? What would you need to feel safe having that conversation?

Second, why do you want to have this conversation? Often we are pulled into disagreements without really thinking about what we hope to achieve, so pausing to reflect on this can be helpful. There can be a lot of different reasons to talk across the political divide. Possibilities include: having your voice heard by decision-makers, correcting misinformation, persuading someone to agree with you, motivating someone to take political action, trying to understand how someone can support candidates or policies that seem untenable, or even just maintaining some kind of positive relationship with family members or other in your life. Knowing what you are trying to achieve will help you decide how to engage in the conversation. 

Make Serious Efforts to Understand the Other Person.  While your own goal is important, you will not be able to achieve it without trying to actually understand the person you are talking to. What do they believe? What do they care about? What motivates them? How did they come to hold the views they have now? We usually don’t have enough information to really know the answers to these questions.

Given the strong polarizing messages we hear every day, it’s easy to see folks on the other side of the political spectrum in simplistic ways. But most people don’t actually fit those extremes. No one wants to be treated as a simple stereotype, and people are very unlikely to listen or be open to changing their minds if they feel disrespected and misunderstood. It’s better to treat them as a conversation partner; a complex person who has been shaped by their environment and context and is capable of making decisions about their political choices. This forces us to move away from our preconceived ideas so we can be open to learning. It means asking genuine questions and listening deeply to the answers, especially when they are different from what we expect. 

Reflecting on your goals and trying to genuinely understand the other person’s perspective are crucial starting points. After you have those foundations, then you can decide how you want to engage. There are several options, and you’ll want to choose one based on your situation. Activism and advocacy can inspire political action. Sharing personal stories can help uplift and amplify voices that need to be heard. Deep canvassing and motivational interviewing are good tools for persuading, correcting misinformation, and helping shift opinions. But to understand people’s perspectives, build relationships, and create a foundation for collaboration, we need a different kind of conversation– one that creates a safe space for deep listening and meaningful connection. 

Dialogue Is a Good Option

Dialogue is a way of communicating that is honest, open, inclusive, and learning focused. In many ways, dialogue is consistent with the core values of Our Community Cache Valley: connection, relationships, learning, collaboration, and acknowledgement that disagreement can lead to growth. Dialogue can be very powerful, and is used as part of conflict transformation and reconciliation work around the globe. Good dialogue requires a commitment from everyone involved, and isn’t always an easy thing to do. But, it can be a meaningful way to talk across the political divide. 

There are a lot of great organizations that design and host dialogue, and many provide resources you can use. One is Essential Partners, a leading public dialogue group, who offers a framework for meaningful conversations about difficult topics. The rest of this essay is based on their Guide to Conversations Across the Partisan Divide, which I encourage you to download for more details.

Invitation. Rather than just jumping into an argument over holiday dinner, make an intentional invitation. Choose one or two people you would like to talk with. When you approach them, frame the invitation by saying you’re interested in having an honest conversation, not an argument or debate, to help understand each other’s perspectives. This invitation is an important step to gauge interest and get folks invested in the conversation.

Ground Rules.  To help create a safe space, clarify expectations for the conversation. Guidelines or ground rules help create a framework for how to talk and listen, and are important features of things like conflict mediation and negotiation. Even in informal political conversation, it’s important to create some shared expectations to help everyone stay respectful and productive. 

Some example guidelines for dialogue include:

• Share the time, so we don’t interrupt each other and no one person goes on too long.
• Speak for ourselves, from our personal experience, and not try to represent or defend an entire party or group.
• Ask questions, so we don’t make assumptions.
• Listen fully to each other, seek understanding rather than rebuttal. 

Share these with your conversation partners and ask if they want to add anything, so you can have agreement on how you’ll do your conversation. If things get too adversarial during the conversation--or if someone is doing all the talking so there’s no time for anyone else to speak up--you can get things back on track by reminding everyone about the ground rules you all agreed to follow.

Questions of Curiosity. It’s also really helpful to have a set of questions that help people talk about their personal experiences, values, and perspectives rather than sticking to partisan talking points. Remember, this is a conversation, not an interview. Everyone in the conversation--including you--should have a chance to respond to the questions.

Essential Partners suggests several questions, you don’t have to use all of them. Pick a few that seem right for your context and use them to get started.  

• What is at the heart of your political beliefs?
• What hopes, concerns and values do you have that underlie your beliefs?
• What in your life experience has led you to believe the things you do?
• What are the political issues today that impact your life the most? Can you tell a story from your life to help me understand how that issue impacts you?

After folks have talked about their personal experiences and political beliefs, you may want to engage in deeper conversation to get at more complex ideas. For example, you could ask:

• In what ways have you felt out of step with the party or groups you generally support, or in what ways do those groups not fully reflect what’s important to you?
• What aspects of the other party or advocacy groups do you admire—or at least see as reasonable counter-balances to the groups you generally support?

Model Good Communication. As you participate, be sure that you are sharing your own perspectives and experiences and that you refrain from stereotyping people in your stories. Show that you are listening well by staying engaged and asking clarifying questions. Be genuine and own your opinions, and at the same time demonstrate that you are working to stay curious and open. Your efforts will help shape how other people in the conversation engage. Check the Essential Partners’ guide for suggestions on additional questions and ways to “lower the temperature” of the conversation if it gets too heated.

Offer to Follow Up.  This kind of conversation can be a starting point for further political engagement and longer-term relationships. It’s good to thank the other people for engaging in dialogue with you and let them know if you’re interested in talking more later.

Conclusion

This essay is the first in a series from the Our Community Cache Valley “Talking Across the Political Spectrum” Action Group. We aim to help community members engage in meaningful political conversations that enhance our ability to work toward a better future in Cache Valley and beyond.  Dialogue can be an important way to build mutual understanding and resist the oversimplified polarization that pervades political discourse. Dialogue is worthwhile in its own right, and if it is done well it helps humanize us to each other. It can also be a starting point for future collaboration or other political engagement. 

We hope this essay is useful for you. Watch for more information and training offered by our group coming soon.

About the Author

Laura Black is a professor of Organizational Development at Fielding Graduate University and affiliated faculty in Communication Studies at USU. She has a Ph.D. from the University of Washington and her teaching, research, and community work focus on dialogue, deliberative democracy, and conflict transformation.